Social norms impact women's mental health and shape every aspect of our lives, from how we show up at work to how we parent and care for ourselves. For women, these pressures are often subtle, ingrained, and go unnoticed—until we start to feel the weight of stress, burnout, and self-doubt.
But where do these pressures come from? And how do they connect to past experiences and trauma?
I recently sat down with Kelly Bubolz, an HR and burnout specialist, to unpack how social norms shape mental health and trauma (watch the full interview below). But if you're short on time, I’ve broken it down for you in a bite-sized, practical way—so you can start recognizing how social norms impact women's mental health and break free from these patterns.
What are Social Norms?
Social norms are the unwritten "rules" or expectations placed on individuals based on what is considered acceptable behavior by society. When someone challenges these expectations, they’re often labeled as dramatic, disruptive, difficult, or even wrong.
For example, women who set boundaries may be called selfish or cold, while men who do the same are seen as assertive and strong. Sound familiar?
The Connection between Social Norms and Gender Norms
Now, let’s take it a step further. Gender norms are a specific type of social norm—expectations placed on a person because of their gender, often without discussion or "consent".
For example:
- "Good girls should be polite and quiet."
- "Mothers should prioritize family over career."
- "Women should ‘bounce back’ quickly after having kids."
Every day, women feel the pressure of these outdated norms. I often hear women say they are working hard to accept their body, but social media bombards them with impossible beauty standards. Or, as a working mom, you might want to advance in your career but face the "Motherhood Penalty"—where mothers are unfairly viewed as less committed employees.
The question is: Why do we accept these beliefs as truth?
The answer lies in trauma.
PTSD vs. Trauma
When we hear the word trauma, we often think of severe, life-threatening events that lead to PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). But trauma is much broader than that. Trauma impacts women's mental health.
Trauma happens anytime we experience something painful or overwhelming without the necessary emotional support to process it. It rewires our brain and nervous system, influencing our beliefs, behaviors, and stress responses—often without us even realizing it.
For example, if you grew up with a caregiver who frequently yelled at you, you may have internalized harmful beliefs like:
- "I'm not good enough."
- "I have to be perfect to be loved."
- "If I don’t do it myself, it won’t get done correctly."
- "I can’t have an opinion."
- "I have to work twice as hard to be respected."
Sound familiar? These deeply ingrained beliefs don’t just affect self-esteem; they shape how we navigate motherhood, relationships, and careers.
The Connection Between Social Norms, Trauma and Women
Over time, trauma and societal expectations erode women’s sense of identity and create barriers to success—both at home and at work.
Think Back to Your Childhood for a Moment...
What memories come up? Were you left alone when you needed help? Yelled at for making mistakes? Walking on eggshells, trying to avoid upsetting someone?
Your brain remembers these moments vividly. It stored them as "painful—avoid this at all costs." As a result, when you face similar situations in adulthood, your nervous system reacts as if the original danger is still present.
For example:
- If asking for help led to punishment or rejection as a child, you might struggle to delegate tasks as a mom or leader.
- If speaking up was discouraged, you may hold back in meetings or suppress your opinions in relationships.
- If love felt conditional on achievement-based, you may push yourself to exhaustion, afraid that slowing down means you’re failing.
Trauma’s job is to protect you from experiencing the same pain again—but in doing so, it often holds you back.
Breaking Free: The Challenge of Change
Here’s the hard truth: Even when you’re ready to change, society may not be ready for you to change.
When you begin setting boundaries, prioritizing self-care, or challenging outdated gender norms, you might face resistance—not just from yourself, but from your environment.
Why? Because everyone around you has been conditioned by the same social norms and trauma responses that impact women's mental health. Your partner, parents, co-workers, and boss are all subject to the same messaging.
But that doesn’t mean you have to stay stuck. The first step to reclaiming your peace is awareness—recognizing how these forces shape your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. From there, you can start shifting the narrative and making empowered choices that align with your values, not outdated societal expectations.
Final Thoughts: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Unlearning old beliefs and breaking free from societal pressures isn’t easy—but you’re not alone in this journey.
You deserve to:
✅ Set boundaries without guilt.
✅ Be a great mom and a successful professional—without choosing between the two.
✅ Define your own success, free from outdated expectations.
Healing from trauma and societal conditioning isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about freeing yourself and living burnout free. And that starts with questioning the beliefs that were handed to you and choosing the ones that actually serve you.
💬 Which societal norm have you struggled with the most? Let’s talk about it in the comments below!
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What childhood experiences popped up for you as you were reading this blog?